I left home nearly a month go, to this day I still have days were I have doubts like am I good enough, am I smart enough, capable and independent, I struggle to understand who am without my parents help and support and independence on them. I wonder if I survive without them this bring a great level of uncertainty and sadden for me.

I start to worry and lose hope. I know this is all in my mind selling my short.

There are moments were I still find myself in my mind dangerously revisiting a environment were I felt less capable then other people.

In less than a month, I feel like I have gone through hell, it's worth it but really hard, it's making me stronger. I try not to think about my past and dystfunctional family.

They were my safety net and zone, they are now coming my weakness and temptation but I pefer this new life and chapther more even though for now I feel the pain which is temporary and will past.

It's hard and it's hurts alot. Sometimes and days I struggle but I knew when I start seeing more light at of the tunnel. I be a strong female and inspire to others.

 I still can't believe what I had go through by my own parents verbal abuse towards me for many many years.

I am free today to be independent adult, still struggling mental and emotionally to come to terms with the effects of the taruma caused and aftermath.

Can't trust or turn to anyone but one friend who in the same location who had my back through this new capther in my life ( I considered them apart of my family) and few friends I can phone.

Feeling so low, down and crap can't turn to family. Emotionally and mentally I feel low and broken searching for love and support, looking for medical answers.

Feel so alone and empty inside, medically exhuasted and frustrated

When I first got to my new location, I was still so scared of my parents but mainly my father control and influence over me at the stage of 24 and a beautiful, funny capable that's other sed sometimes before me, I am starting but really struggle sometimes because of the verbal insult.

I struggle with knowing my self worth and self esteem and self believe in some areas.

Never think you have to get the police involved when come to your parents in but I was living in this past shadow and cloud, fear what whqt he could still do to me and how in one way or another hurt me or come after me.

They searched my room like they were looking for drugs and alcohol, had big ears like a elephant, the word privacy and none of your business was not in their dictionary, trying to find out what I talked about with my doctor and trying influence all my decisions because they thought I could not make imformed and educated for myself and decide my friends and relationships 

They asked far too many questions without realising.

 I will never really forget what I went through and was put through in my life on a regular basis, but learn not be bother by what my parents say and never return to live with them.

I was ready for change and no looking back, wish I did it soon but can't change the past and only look at the future and make life about me and not worry about my family who don't deserve as much love as I been giving them and feeding by my time and energy for them, that's I allowed myself to give of my precious time and energy to these people when I knew I deserve them and to be surrounded by loving, good and better people.

Because I am way more and a person without them trying mold me in something that's not me but like there behaviour.

They got issues and have try so hard to  break down so many  my family relations were I felt I could not choose and say I want these people in my life by falling out with them over thinks liking money, accussing someone of being a liar influencing my decisions, hate anyone who helps and believe in what I am capable and support, talking horrible stuff about them when I was feeling vulnerable to messs with my head (their mind games).

I got the energy, headspace, support and encouragement to start doing so much what I want to do and have a enough time fir everything and some fun balance, eat and sleep and feel great because I knew why I am here on earth, given life and put here.

People expect me to fail and return back home

People think I am going fail and go back home to live with my parents in a unhealthy environment that was not good for my health because they have not seen who I be in future. I finically had no freedom or independent to level I need and want 

My parents verbal abuse has caused me a lot trauma that I am getting out and after 24 years talking and finally can start understanding process with professional help. Their  the reason for my issues, as I speak about them and open up to the right people who get it and understand what I have gone through and it's not okay

- Some of the insults

- that I have low IQ

- No one will believe you your crazy

- no one will want me after a relationship ended a little over two years ago 

- made to feel stupid, dumb

- not always liked what I cooked for the family at meal times ( the effort I put into it) if I add too much salt or sugar and was trying 

- I was fat shamed, like none of my suits will suit stuff like that and exercise felt like a chore and punish me.

- your nothing without us

- let someone else treat me badly and were fine with it.

Just some of the insults above

I had no feeling, enjoy just felt numb, hopeless really depressed and heading down or looking at suicidal in next few months or years, I wanted a way out but could not see one, was so tired and close to giving up

 to do nothing all day, star in to thin air, watch tv, YouTube, play games, eat sometimes, sleep every day was the same

Do they really care

 I made it's a week so far, I will approve the people who doubt me  wrong and you will respect me or won't be in my life if you can't love me and support my decisions, I don't have the  time and energy it's take for people that's don't appreciate and encourage me to grew and take every opportunity.

It's their lose, I knew I can achieve so much in life now, have purpose, follow my love and what I enjoy and am good at.

They lost that right to care and worry about me, it's too late I felt my parents took me for grant, didn't and could respect me as a young capable independent strong adult ( female).

It's feel all fake and just a formality on top like the surface from the outside but it's does not feel real and genuine. I was really struggling with my mental wellbeing while home and had a relationship two years ago that's was not  working.

I needed a break (a holiday before) and  a fresh start.

They lost my respect. I don't want them  in my life and trying to find out information about my life through others. They don't get boundaries.

I am adult and can survive without my parents. Their love was too much. They don't realize to change.

I don't need them as much or at all. I am capable adult with a bright future with so many great things and opportunities that I have or create for myself, I feel strong enough to do anything.

It's all talk but they do nothing to change they just want you back home to control. They don't listen. I am better off without and working hard to be successful