I have a medical condition, I am not making it up, I knew that something is the issue and problem, it's insulting and hurts, when I am told that their nothing wrong with me, being told that I am doing these involuntary movements and actions on purpose, when you say this, it's stress me out and upset me a lot and make these movements that are out of my control, become worse and they are starting to drive me crazy.
This is not fun, it's physically hurt my body, I can feel the stress, pain, tension in my body, neck and back, jaw, this is miserable and so hard waiting to find out what the hell wrong, so I can give people a answer to why this happens, a name, a diagnosis, stick it to this person who think that I am doing this purpose and that it's possibly a medical condition that is causing these movements.
How can I respect you, when I feel no support from you, understanding, you just don't get it, if you don't get it or it's just too much for you, if it's just complicated for you, that is fine, BUT
I don't appreciated and need your remarks, you just make someone feel worse and crap, you knew what to say, how to piss someone off, to emotionally and mentally hurt someone with your words, when they already feel down, you knew how to destroy people with your words
I haven't got my head around this medical condition, I am sorry that I don't have a medical answer for you, but it's would be really nice if we could figure this out together, but I knew that this is too much to ask from you and expect.
When I tell you that this is real and I am not making this up, I feel that you don't listen and we just end up fighting, urging, you start thinking about what the neighbour will think and say and how it's could be embarrassing for you and that's these movements are something I am choosing to do and is like a bad habit.
Your supposed to be my father, I supposed to respect you as my father, especially in the Indian culture, watch my language and not talk back to you but it's is completely okay when you say some horrible and terrible stuff.
A lot people tell me not to speak to you like this, that your my father,
you give me your love, support, understanding and show me that you can walk with me, hold my hand and help me thought something so difficult in my life, our relationship will be so much when come to this matter.
You have such funny way off showing your love, being over protective, not seeing what someone is capable of doing and achieving but seeing what they can't do.
Dad, I have no control over this, it's is not easy to not to think about how this will effect my life (to not start thinking negatively), focus and be remind of my flaws, issues and problems, if it's will take my independent way, I hope not because that would make my life unbearable. I don't want to have to dependent and rely on someone else to be of assist.
When I start to think negatively, I feel so trapped and stuck by what happening in everyone else life's (a sense of jealously that no matter how hard I try to see the positive, look and focus on what I can still do and be grateful, I am doubting myself and asking if I am good enough to do something that do justice to me and show what I am capable.
I hope that's there a answer for this and that's this can be medicated and treated and I reclaim my life and gain control, because I don't see myself under yours and mum's roof for the rest of my life, your personality make it's miserable and depressing to live in the same household as you, you make it's feel like your the boss and have the final say or that your no is something that's can't be challenged or questioned.
I will probably have to take medication to help and control the symptoms, but that my choice and decision not yours. we see things very differently when come to medication that is okay because were from two different worlds, our understanding, awareness, education around and about different illnesses is not the same, were simply on different levels and that's make us disagree.
My General Practitioner is not quite sure what it's is, so it's a impatient waiting game until my neurologist appointment next month ( the doctor who referred me to get a ECG, to get the results).
But I am not sorry for my strong personality and what look like talking back but I call it standing up for myself and a strong voice.
